In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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