she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
