i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
