And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
