im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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