I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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