there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
