She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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