he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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