my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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