he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
