NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
