So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
