The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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