I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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