All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
