Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
