She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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