Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
