Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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