If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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