Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
