I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
