2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ruined the universe
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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