You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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