Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
