I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
