Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
