You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That's intense
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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