I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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