I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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