It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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