the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
