So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
