New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
