he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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