Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
