He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
