i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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