Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
