my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
