here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
only you would photoshop your dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
