First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
