So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
