Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
