I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
