I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
