you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
True strength comes from lack of pants
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
