I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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