How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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