I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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