I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
