porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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